Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Frisbee Fanatic, Part 2

Earlier this year, I told you about my team's third place finish at the Rustin Community Fair Ultimate Frisbee Tournament. It was a great success. But Frisbee season has began anew, and as a Senior I'm the captain of our squad. Desiring more competition than our campus confines provide, we took an all-star team of disk- jockey's (get it?) to Philadelphia to compete in a local tournament this past saturday. This tournament, mind you, is bigger than any we'd competed in before. It ran from 9:00 AM to 6:00 PM, a full 9 hours of Frisbeeing Frenzy. This was the main event, the big attraction, the King-Da-Ka of intramural sporting glory, the pinnacle of student-body bragging rights. To compete here required the stamina of soccer, the physicality of hockey, the metnal toughness of football, the precision of speed skating, and the intensity of a caged gladiator wrestling match between a man and an ill-tempered platypus. Like most of those activities, it was a ton of fun.

But you know when your parents used to tell you "Hey, so long as we all have fun, we're all winners?" Well, it's a load of crap. As Vince Lombardi once said, "If we aren't playing to win, then why bother keeping score?" Our squad, named Victorious Secret (you may have noticed I have a thing for puns) went 4-1 and finished 2nd out of 8 teams to claim a decent consolation prize. Not that any prizes are needed besides the sweet scent of defeated enemies and the primal, testosterone-filled chest bumps that ensue, but we also recieved some elite, expensive, premium grade frisbees for our own. And these aren't just any frisbees. Remember in that god-awful movie "Blades of Glory" where Will Ferrell goes on a rant about how much he loves his hairbrush? "Not just a brush, but a Verticoli. Handmade in Italy. They carve it out of illegal whalebone. They only make eleven of them a year. This one cost me $12,000, or 30 million lira. Perfectly balanced, low drag, minimal torque...No exaggeration, I could not love a baby as much as I love this brush." Yeah, well that's about how we feel about these frisbees.

No longer is Ultimate Frisbee the realm of hippies and weirdo's not good enough to play any "real" sports. No, our team beat the team with all the football players on it 11-2 today. We made one of the girls on their team cry when she missed the frisbee and it hit her in the lip. We laughed. Get on our level.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Economy vs. Ecology

One of the things I've noticed in my political musings is that liberals, democrats, and tree-huggers in general view the ecology in the same way that conservatives, libertarians/republicans and small government advocates in general view the economy: both view humans as screwing it up whenever they stick their filthy hands in! Ecologists lament that ecosystems are naturally sustainable and worked just fine until humans ignorantly overhunted certain species and overutilized certain resources, throwing the natural system out of whack. Free-marketeers, however, view the economy as a natural cycle of booms and busts based on the simple, unchangeable principles of supply and demand, and feel that whenever the government or some other centralized body tries to manipulate it to their advantage or dictate an economic outcome it likewise screws everything up. They favor the government keeping it's hands out of the economy to allow this natural cycle to work its magic, just as opponents of hunting or sharpshooting to reduce overpopulation endorse introducing natural predators as an alternative: Both wish to turn back the clock to the time when the system worked fine, before the silly humans got in the way.

The difference, from a government perspective, is that in order to fix this problem, environmentalists support MORE government intervention to counterbalance it. Rather than merely telling humans "stop invading the habitat of owls and cutting down their trees!" they advocate the government taking it upon itself to reintroduce the owls into the habitat. on economic issues, however, libertarians want the government to merely undo whatever perceived encroachment on the free market that exists, not enact new interventions to counteract the failures of the old. Another difference is that libertarians are focused purely on what's best for humanity, while many environmentalists feel humanity has a moral obligation to sacrifice for the well-being of other species. Libertarians have no problem with human greed, and construct a system that rewards it; environmentalists try to curb greed's effect on that which it injures.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Ever Since Omar Was Hired--An Ode to the 2006-2009 Mets

I was bored of college essays, and engulfed by Phillies statuses, so to make myself feel better I wrote this ode to the Mets woes. Sung to the tune of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel. If you don’t know the tune/idea of that song, which goes chronologically through events in 20th century history, this won’t be as funny, so listen to it first:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a2SS0zqmzk



This has been my baseball life over the past four years. I'm sure you'll revel in my misery. Enjoy.



"Ever Since Omar was Hired"



(2006 and Before)

Braden Looper, Armando, all the saves that they would blow

Heath Bell, Mo Vaughn, Joe...McEwing



Kazmir for Zambrano, Minaya from Toronto

No more Jim Duquette, make way for the New Mets



Omar signs some big names, Mets start to win some games

David Wright gets called up, things are really lookin’ up



Until the playoffs come around, Pedro and El Duque down

Endy Chavez makes a leap, but Beltran watches strike three



Chorus:

Ever since Omar was hired,

The fans have been yearning, but the players are hurting

Ever since Omar was hired,

We’ve been the joke of the league, as we choke up our lead



(2007)

Pedro’s arm is still weak, Phillies are the team to beat

Jimmy Rollins, screw you, the frontrunners hate you



Dauner Sanchez makes some cash, then gets in a car crash,

Moises Alou, black and blue, he lands on the DL too



Brooklyn has a winning team, but Queens is starting Shawn Green

Marlon Anderson is lame, his interference lost the game



Glavine lets up seven runs, before the first inning is done

Seventeen, left to play, what else do I have to say?



Chorus



(2008)

Trot Nixon, Matt Wise, Pedro’s father just won’t die

Jimmy Rollins, MVP, somebody kill me



Randolph fired at midnight, Mets bullpen is a fright

Injuries, all around, Billy Wagner goes down



Johan doesn’t help us much, cuz’ we suck in the clutch

Twenty-nine blown saves, Luis Ayala digs our grave



Lidge has a perfect year, Phillies fans get to cheer

Mets out on the final day cuz Aaron Heilman can't play


Chorus



(2009)

Bernie Madoff stole our money, stop laughing, it’s not funny

Tim Redding’s facial hair, Castillo tripping down the stairs



Omar’s mad at Adam Rubin, even as he signed more Cubans

F-mart is a bust, not to mention JJ Putz



Disabled list is growing fast, Tony Bernazzard gets sacked

Olly is a head case, Ryan Church missed third base



Carlos Beltran’s getting old, Wright’s helmet is a salad bowl

But don’t forget, that’s not all, Luis Castillo dropped the ball



Chorus



Finally, Omar’s been fired

But even with him gone, it’ll still go on, and on, and on, and on…