Friday, July 23, 2010

Lack-of-IQ-Tests

Of all the nuisances the typical websurfer will find on the sidebar and top-bar of junky websites, one of the most persistent is the "Real IQ Test". By now I'm used to the big red crosshairs hovering over a slow-moving farm-animal, promising a "Free iPod Nano!" if you can hit the unmissable critter. I've grown accustomed to the scantily-clad babes, clutching towels or bearing absurd cleavage, advertising for Singles.com or some trashy soft-porn spam site. My eyes barely even notice the "1 Suprising Rule for a Flat Stomach" catchphrase, nor are they drawn by the dancing female animatron beneath the title "Obama Grants Tax Credit to Single Mom's, click here to claim!" But each time I see the "Real IQ Test", I can't help but chortle at the irony of such spam. You see, the only people who are likely to click on the teaser question asking "How many triangles can you see in this figure?" or what have you, are the ones who need their IQ's investigated in the first place!

The brilliance of such a ploy is that rather than demonstrate the hoops the poor fool will have to go through in order to recieve his "100% accurate score!" from the very begginning, the spammer actually allows the buffoon to take a some lengthy sham of a test first. This not only gives the illusion that the link is genuine, but more importantly it makes the victim less willing to give up his pursuit. Having already taken the lengthy test (and due to his IQ deficiency, furled up his eyebrows and scratched his scalp in fierce concentration many times during the process) he is thus far more likely to follow through with whatever purchase/personal information release the spammer desires, because not doing so means admitting he's wasted the past 40 minutes!

But the true IQ test lies not in whether there are 4, 5, 6, or 9 triangles in the diagram, but whether the taker clicks the bubble next to any of those options at all. How cruel it is that the pitious sucker who actually purchases whatever is required to recieve one's test scores will undoubtedly be dissapointed by the results of his test anyway.

He won't be too bummed, though. After all, he's gonna be rich! It's only a few more weeks until that Nigerian Prince seeking refuge in the states transfers half his fortune into his bank account!

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